Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Loving BDSM Series 5: Punishment

This kind of dropped off the planet for months and months, but just because why not, I'll start writing some of these again.  In addition I'll let you know that my girlfriend and her friend have a new podcast related to sex and relationships at Sexit Podcast on Soundcloud that you should check out if this sort of thing interests you.

Anyway, topic #5: As a submissive, are you willing to allow a Dominant to discipline or punish you in your relationship?  As a Dominant are you willing to require discipline or give out punishment?  What kinds of punishments can you imagine for bad behavior?

I'm getting these topics second-hand, so I don't know if it's intentional, but don't these questions read like they're directed at somebody who has never actually been in a BDSM relationship before?  Anyway.

I am a Dominant and punishment is one of those things I'm not great at from a consistency standpoint.  I like controlling, restraining, and using pain-giving toys, but when it comes to things like "I want you to do this" or "I want you to not do this," I'm fairly likely to forget what we agreed on.  So basically we have a structure in which this is supposed to happen, but I'm really lenient about it unless I go deep into Dom-space..

I also don't really have it in me to imagine things in terms of "bad behavior" because of both my perspective on the relationship and the way I view punishment to begin with.  My sub is an adult woman, not a child, nor do we have a dynamic mimicking this (even if she does call me "Daddy"), so the dynamic where I'm disciplining her for "being bad" kind of falls through.  In addition to that, I don't believe in corporal punishment for children or criminals, so I can't get into that headspace.

So when I punish, it's usually for something that happened during sex when I'm already in some sort of Dom-space, whether it's the dark stuff where I feel like a different person or the more playful Dom-space where I'm more confident than normal but too serious about it.  A great example is that she has occasionally called me names (one time we were playing with impact/slapping and she said "you fucker!") or escaped from a restraint, and I'm much more comfortable with that sort of thing than the weird life control thing some other Doms do (although obviously some subs want that, so more power to them... or less?).

When I am more submissive I am pretty averse to punishment.  I have in the past fantasized and considered seeking out punishment for lifestyle changes I wanted to make, but in retrospect am really glad I didn't go through with that as I know it would have just dragged my eating disorder on longer and some other garbage.