Saturday, September 9, 2017

Loving BDSM Series 3: Titles

Today's Loving BDSM question is:

Beyond the basic title of Dominant or submissive, are there other titles you prefer or are interested in exploring?  Are there any that turn you off or don't seem like a good fit for you?  Some titles for Dominants may include Master, Sir, Daddy, Mistress, Lady, etc.  Titles for submissives can be pet, babygirl, little one, boy, girl, etc.

You know, I didn’t think I’d be a fan of titles because in pornography I’ve found them really grating, but that pretty much changed the first time somebody called me "Daddy" and it turned out to be one of the fucking hottest things I'd at that time experienced.  Daddy as a title was actually the worst, grossest thing for me before that moment… I’d already kicked the association of Daddy with incest play after an excellent writing about the subject on FetLife (the gist of this was that it's no grosser than calling your partner "baby"), but didn’t think it’d be something I was into.  On the one hand, I really should have communicated that I thought it was gross terminology before he called me that, but you know, it did turn out well for me.  It’s also opened a whole new world of bad jokes to me, as I am voluntarily choosing never to be a father but am a fan of dad jokes.  I also like being called “Sir.”

Master I’m not a big fan of but nobody’s actually called me that during sex so who knows?  I associate this title with Master/slave relationships, which I have a lot of opinions about that folks in M/s relationships probably will hate.

I’m actually a big fan of being called my name in a sexual or D/s context.  This is kind of a trans thing, because it took a damn long time for me to get people to call me that name and so it makes me feel great to hear it, like it actively turns me on because it brings me right into my body... I tend to relate to my body as if I'm watching myself on a screen sometimes, so it makes me very present to hear my name.

I mostly use pretty typical pet names for submissives, things like “baby” or “honey,” “sweetie,” "pumpkin."  I’m open to other terms that are more specific to kink if I’m with a sub that likes them, but generally am not super into them and I still have a lot of the same discomfort I had with Daddy before I learned it was super hot