Friday, September 8, 2017

Loving BDSM Series 2: Submission

Today's Loving BDSM question is:

Does a submissive have certain behaviors?  Do submissives do specific tasks?  When you think of a submissive and submission, what thoughts come to mind?

The thing about submission and what I think makes a person submissive is that there are really two categories here… things I like in a sub and things that I think make a sub.

What I think makes a sub is a need or at least willingness to be directed.  And here’s where I talk about myself specifically… because I like a lot of things associated with submission, but am generally not a super submissive person, so in many cases I wind up basically directing what is being done, but from the bottom.

So I’m a switch, and have a submissive side that isn't fully explored, but for the most part even when I’m subbing I’m still ultimately Domming because I’m exercising a lot of control and basically directing the whole scene; I'm giving my sub commands that direct her to behave temporarily like a Dom.  It's hard to explain, but you know, it works great for us.

As far as responsibilities, well, subs have the extremely important responsibility of communication.  I remember once reading a work on FetLife that was called something like “Don’t Make Me An Abuser.”  It was poorly titled, but the point was that a non-abusive Dom really hates the idea of having put somebody through something they didn’t ultimately want, which is something that can happen if a sub doesn’t safeword when they want to or doesn’t say “this is triggering me” or “this is hurting too much.”  And a Dom who has worked with a sub for a long time may be able to tell without words when that sub needs them to stop (my own sub’s body language is essentially her safeword), but what if it’s a new relationship or a sub has a history of really enjoying looking like they need you to stop?  That sub has a responsibility to be very clear when things need to stop.