Thursday, July 3, 2014

Transgender Blog Challenge Day 13: Bathrooms

Today's question isn't really a question.  It just says "Bathrooms."  Granted, that probably is a pretty self-evident subject, isn't it?

I'm not overly stressed out by bathrooms anymore.  Not entering and leaving them, anyway.  My appearance doesn't scream "transgender" to people (not unless they have a really good idea of what a pre-T trans man looks like).  However, there are some stressful aspects to it.

I don't use urinals and I don't stand to piss.  STP devices are basically a novelty for me.  I own a few, but I don't really use them unless I'm camping or hunting, and even then I'm more apt to just squat.  It's difficult to bring myself to go when I'm standing, even if nobody's around.

I also have a hard time sitting when there are people there, though.  Even though most people probably won't notice (if you pay attention in men's restrooms there are lots of guys who sit to urinate), it's still difficult.  I usually wait for everybody to leave.  I wish I didn't, especially since I work at a building where the bathroom stalls are constantly full, but it's just how it goes.

Anyway, let's talk a bit about my history in this regard.  For the vast majority of time I've been "out" I'd go out of my way to use gender neutral restrooms or single-person restrooms.  If I wasn't able to find these, I'd use the women's room.  The thought of using the men's room was a huge stressor for me.  My therapist actually pretty much made me start using men's rooms before she'd prescribe T to me.  I actually wish that there was a question dedicated to experiences in therapy because that fucking sucked.  I could have just lied, I guess, but it's not my style.  Around that time she got me a carry letter so I could get my driver's license changed to reflect my lived gender (my name had already been changed), and that made it a bit more comfortable since psychologically you feel like if somebody says anything you can just whip out your ID.

It didn't take long for me to be mostly comfortable with it after that, just out of brute-force exposure.